In memoriam

There are many occasions for drinking.  We toast weddings, babies, new love, promotions, and new homes.  We also might pour a little out for our peeps who have gone before us.  Now, don't misunderstand my meaning for this blog in general.  It is a serious pursuit for the perfect martini, but it is not serious.  Periodically solemn occasions do permeate our blissful worlds; and on such an occasion as this, I would like to honor someone I could not honor in person.

When we choose to join with another family, it is a meaningful undertaking.  There are ceremonies, promises, and changed priorities.  We join not just at the surface, but in a bond that says, "I will call you Dad," even though I already have a dad, who's my actual Dad.  But you are my Dad now too.

But sometimes through circumstances that seem (and may actually be) insurmountable by mortals, we may require ourselves to leave this family.  Some may only leave part of the family.  Some may abandon it entirely.  The closest person I had in the family I left was my father in law.  He was the hardest to leave, but I couldn't bear to keep in contact with him because the pain, and guilt, were too great for me. And on Tuesday, the magnitude of that decision became un-alterable. And as a result, I missed the funeral, I missed the second chance for goodbye.

But tonight I took some time to remember in my own solitude. I remembered his love for his family, especially his grandchildren.  I remember him napping in his chair.  The beautiful furniture he built. The way he always double checked the trailer hitch on the boat before we took it out, and the way he held his arm like a beacon when we brought it back to the garage. I remember the cradles and trucks he built for so many children in the hospital.  He built me a porch swing, replaced my light fixtures, laid a tile floor that reminds me of Chenonceau. He loved the Beatles, all music, a capella groups, harmony, and good lemon meringue pie. Mixing lemonade and cranberry juice was his favorite cocktail. And don't ever serve him chicken. He tried countless ways to make my world better so that we could all stay in it together.

So tonight, although he didn't drink alcohol, I toast my lovely father in law, whom I cherished and always will.